Here Without You

I walked across the parking lot of the Super 8 Motel in Jasper, Alabama, early on a Saturday morning in December on my way to breakfast at the Omelet Shoppe. The lady at the motel told me that the Waffle House was better, but the Omelet Shoppe was closer, and I didn’t want to get in the car and drive. It was a very cool morning, but I enjoyed the short walk.

I sat at the counter a couple of seats down from a big man smoking a cigarette. As far as I could tell, there wasn’t a “No Smoking” section in this particular restaurant. It didn’t take long to realize that I was in Small Town, Anywhere. Except for me, everyone seemed to know everyone else. That was Bill sitting beside me smoking and Pat was cooking and Cindy was the waitress. Mike was off today, Paul had to leave early, and David was the delivery man.

One of the customers played “Here Without You” by 3 Doors Down – one of my current favorites.

A hundred days had made me older

Since the last time that I saw your pretty face.

A thousand lights had made me colder

And I don’t think I can look at this the same.

But all the miles had separated

They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face.

Except for the smoke and the game machines, it was a perfect place to eat breakfast. The people were friendly and the food was good. I know that everyone knew that I didn’t belong there, but they made me feel welcome just the same. Without really thinking, I threw my American Express card on the counter when Cindy left the ticket. She came back to get it, hesitated for a second, (Uncle Wayne says, “Like a calf looking at a new gate.) then picked it up. Pat, the cook, Cindy and another lady who worked there all gathered around the credit card machine to watch. Apparently, that was a rare occurrence, but they managed it without any trouble.

I was in no particular hurry, which is the way you have to be in Alabama. I intentionally left my cell phone home and it felt good to be foot loose and fancy free, though only for a short weekend. I was here for the 80th birthday party for Aunt Evelyn, my Dad’s oldest (surviving) sister. It felt good to have a reason to go back to Alabama that wasn’t a funeral. When I was here last, Uncle Larry asked me when I was coming back. I told him probably for the next funeral. He said, “Well, I hope I get to see you.”

I drove to Larry and Deb’s house. I was the first to arrive there, but others arrived and we took three cars to the birthday party. I heard that there were over seventy people there and of course, over half of them I didn’t know. I never get to see everyone I want to see, and I never get to spend as much time as I want to with those who I DO get to see, but I am really glad I went. I got several more “You’re Lester’s boy, aren’t you?” and that is always nice. I don’t know how anyone could ever get higher than “Lester’s boy”.

Some of Evelyn’s family – even some of her own kids – didn’t come to the party due to a long-running family feud. I didn’t know about it until this trip. I thought it was kind of funny, but mostly kind of sad. What a waste. Life here is way too short to spend it fighting with your own family. I even feel like I wasted a lot of years – not because I was fighting with family – but just because I didn’t visit as often as I should have.

Saturday afternoon and evening and Sunday morning at Larry and Deb’s was wonderful – good food and visiting with family. Though it was really cold outside, a couple of times I went out with Larry and sat on the porch swing, and once I went out by myself. The fresh air felt good and it’s easier from the porch swing to realize why I’m there and how good it is to be there – how fortunate I am to be able to come, and how nice it is when other family members make a special effort to be there.

I always enjoy sitting around listening to stories about the family. Most of them are probably not even true, but that doesn’t matter. The stories always make me feel like I wish I had lived here in Alabama and been more a part of those stories. I’ve gotten to know a few of my cousins better in the last couple of years, but I know I’ll probably die not having gotten to know them as well as I would like to.

Of course, once again, the birthday party was just an excuse to get me to Alabama. I can’t even describe how good I feel when I am there, and how difficult it is to leave. Have you ever had a really, really wonderful dream, but then you woke up and realized you had only been dreaming, and now you have to get up, face the real world and go to work - that “Oh, crap” feeling? That’s how I felt when it was time to leave.

I got some good hugs from the family and left a little early so I could drive around a little. I drove to Beaverton and took some pictures of the old home place. The old house that my grandparents lived in is gone now except for a whole lot of memories that will live as long as I do. I got a picture of the well in “downtown” Beaverton. I drove back to Birmingham pretty slowly, stopping at a place or two and taking some more pictures. I stopped for a late lunch at a little Mexican food place in Jasper that was warm and “Christmasy”.

I was at the airport early, but that was ok, too, because I needed time to reflect. I usually don’t waste my time in an airport. I always have a book to read or something else to do. I had all of that with me this time, but I just sat at the gate in the airport, watching people a little – always seeing someone who “reminds me of someone else” – but mostly just thinking and smiling inside and feeling that warm Alabama feeling that I wish everyone could experience and feel like I do.

I’m here without you baby, but you’re still on my lonely mind.

I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time.

I’m here without you baby, but you’re still with me in my dreams,

And tonight

it’s only you and me.